saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
