Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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