Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
