omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
