Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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