guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize