I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
