I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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