Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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