i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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