This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
