I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
