its not stalking. its research.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
No subtext here. People are naked.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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