so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
