fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
her vagine was all disorganized.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
