don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
