If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we're making bets on your personal life
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize