I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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