Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
