hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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