I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
