So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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