I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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