Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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