Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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