Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
