i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
