Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
