the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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