You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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