just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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