Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
They have beer where we have blood.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
