some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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