well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
