I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
