the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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