you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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