The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
