I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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