this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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