hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
