I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
