I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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