then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
