I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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