just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
