This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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