well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
