he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
