Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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