I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
