Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize