I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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