sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
