WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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