O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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