Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
