Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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