i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I want to be your penis for a week.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
