i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
