Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
