i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
