You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
