It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
