this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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