Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
