We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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