Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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