butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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