My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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