saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
