we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
