dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
