theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
