Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
All the doctor said was why
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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