Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
