I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize