Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
