I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
