I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
