This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize