I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
