There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just found puke in my bra..
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
