my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
