i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
