Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
