I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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