i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize