The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
God, I missed his penis.
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