I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
