brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
