a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
