I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
