I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize