i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
what is it with giant penises always finding me
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
