A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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