Say something about gay babies.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
