i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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