I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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