Soap is not a condiment
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
